Honor Among Thieves, Rodents and Homeless Smokers
The Daily runs a news piece about the couch ban that adds two new phony excuses from councilmember Joan Lowenstein to the well-worn rats-and-fire arguments: porch couches allow thieves to climb on them and get into windows, and they provide sleeping places for homeless smokers, leading to the ultimate nightmare scenario: a homeless rodent living under a porch couch climbs through a first-floor window with a lit cigarette and steals something. Is this the best they can do? We think they could be far more creative. What about conservative pundit Tucker Carlson with one of those creme brulee blowtorches? There’s nothing preventing Tucker Carlson from using a blowtorch or sitting on a porch couch.
Of course, if couches really are helping thieves break into houses, the city council should consider passing a resolution requiring that outdoor couches be placed on front lawns, away from any windows.
One quibble: the Daily describes non-student houses as “permanent residences.” We’re not crazy about this terminology. When you live in a town for four years - sometimes more for PhD students - it’s just as permanent a residence as anyone else’s in this age of rapidly changing careers.
The city council should consider making stealing illegal in order to prevent break-ins.
Also, it seems like you could get a good photo op by dragging a couch to the entrance of city hall.
posted by George on July 13th, 2004 at 9:15 amI have reserved a couch for this very purpose. May wait till the “second reading” which will probably be in August. (see arborupdate.com)
Scott (scott at mutiny dot net)
posted by Scott T. on July 13th, 2004 at 9:50 amRe: “permanent residences” — if students treat their own homes/parents’ homes the way they treat the rental properties in Ann Arbor, I’d be surprised. As long as they look at their rental units as disposable and fun to trash, they can hardly be expected to be categorized the same as people who look at their homes as permanent. Also, I wonder what the stats are on students spending all 4 years in the same unit… low, I’d bet.
posted by Elizabeth on July 13th, 2004 at 10:18 amWell, I’m a student and I own my house. Of my 20 person graduate cohort, I know of only 2 people who are changing residence between leases. My guess is that undergrads move a lot and grads move much less.
posted by Alex on July 13th, 2004 at 10:26 amThis may come as news to landlords, but units need regular maintenance. Landlords in Ann Arbor generally do nothing, and the apartments and houses do get normal wear and tear, which adds up over many years. Most of the places I lived in (with a couple exceptions) were in terrible condition and looked trashed, but it was because they had 25 years of built-up maintence issues (cheap, peeling floor tiles, grouting that was stained from years of improper care, caulking that was rotting and coming out, carpets that should have been replaced 10 years prior, wood floors that hadn’t been refinished in 20 years, old paint, cheap, oxidized aluminum siding, rotting fire escapes, etc. etc.). *ANY* neighborhood that level of neglect and on the part of owners would look crappy. Homeowners just tend to invest more per person and year than student landlords. It’s up to the landlords to assess tenants for damage, to fix their units, and keep up the maintence — EVERY year. I wouldn’t dream of just letting my house take care of itself — I work on it almost every weekend. If landlords did the same, their properties would be great-looking. Per hour and dollar of maintenance the students’ neighborhoods look remarkably good.
posted by Anna on July 13th, 2004 at 10:47 amI should add that the reason I moved was always because the landlord didn’t maintain the property and I got fed up with the many ‘issues’ in the apartment.
In one place, the landlord allowed the lush who worked in the office space downstairs to park in my (paid-for!) parking space whenever she wanted so that she could easily access the Heidelberg, and failed to reimburse me for a roof leak that led to the destruction of about half of my clothes. Another landlord never did the promised cleaning/painting and the place was dirty on the day I moved in (this was his practice, then when new tenants complained he refunded the cleaning fee and told them to clean it themselves). Another landlord did nothing when I complained about the rotting — dangerous — fire escape, except to tell me not to go out on it (there was a deck outside my bedroom that connected to it). Most did not do snow removal on either the driveway (necessary to get to paid-for parking spaces) or walkways, or steps. The only thing that got a response from one was when my pipe sprung a leak and spouted boiling hot water into my sleeping downstairs neighbor’s bedroom — and even then, she initially wanted me to handle it (with what??) because she didn’t want to be bothered. (end rant)
posted by Anna on July 13th, 2004 at 10:57 amI had a roommate once who liked his drink. He punched a hole in the wall, and it came out of his portion of the security deposit when we moved out.
posted by js on July 13th, 2004 at 2:59 pmI went to a party there, two years later. The hole was still there.
On the other hand, I know that the guy who owns the Northside also owns several frathouses around town, and does a ton of maintenence on them every summer. And every summer he has to replace the same windows, repair the same doors, and replaster and repaint the same rooms. If he wasn’t able to so gouge them (or their parents) on rent, I doubt he would be able to keep the places up to any semblance of code at all.
Jim Northside owns frat houses ?? I know he mostly owns that entire corner there on pontiac and plymouth, but had no idea he was into frat houses. I rented a place by northside from him once.
posted by Bez on July 13th, 2004 at 3:10 pmThat’s what security deposits are for — I have a hard time feeling sorry for landlords for having to repair things. The nicer they keep the property, the more likely they’ll get students who want things to be nice (like my friends and I were) and who won’t trash the place.
posted by Anna on July 13th, 2004 at 3:24 pmOf course, if couches really are helping thieves break into houses, the city council should consider passing a resolution requiring that outdoor couches be placed on front lawns, away from any windows.
Ah, the scent of sarcasm. Always smells good when you are on the right side.
posted by __earth on July 13th, 2004 at 3:39 pmI’ve met some good friends sleeping on a porch couch. I also don’t see how a couch is an advantage to a break in. If somebody is determined it will happen, couch or no couch.
posted by Dan on July 13th, 2004 at 3:53 pmWhen planning burglaries, I’ve always found that fire escapes and poorly maintained wood doorframes with inadequate locks are my best friend.
posted by Anna on July 13th, 2004 at 3:57 pmThey don’t even attempt to think through their excuses… how is a couch more of an aid to breaking into a house than a wooden bench? Hell, if it’s saggy enough, the couch may trap the would-be thief in its cushions.
posted by Brandon on July 13th, 2004 at 11:02 pmI have smashed many a window wielding only my Michigan gut. Of course, that was for the purpose of egress.
posted by Michigan waistline on July 14th, 2004 at 12:59 am