Small Pond
A2 isn’t quite doing it for Olympic swimming star Michael Phelps, who prefers Baltimore to Tree Town. ‘’It’s kind of a weird change, coming from Baltimore to Ann Arbor because its so much smaller,'’ he says in a new documentary. ‘’I like bigger towns better.'’
Yeah, I had to spend five days in Ann Arbor once. I have no idea how you people cope — but congratulations for doing so.
posted by Ginny Dipaolo on September 15th, 2005 at 9:24 amBaltimore has so many more streets for your drunk driving enjoyment. And the bitches there haven’t already read about him in the “Every Three Weekly”.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on September 15th, 2005 at 9:46 amI don’t think you can blame this one 100% on Ann Arbor. The story continues:
“Phelps is taking one class this fall while serving as a volunteer assistant coach. His live-in companion is a kitten.
Despite the plush surroundings, Phelps is shown living like a typical college student, eating cereal and watching poker on television. The exception is his tricked-out SUV with three televisions, rims and a deluxe sound system.”
posted by Fred Z. on September 15th, 2005 at 10:00 amHe should live in Detroit. From what I saw of Baltimore, it looked almost as crappy.
posted by Dave on September 15th, 2005 at 10:11 amHmmm. Single man living with kitten as companion. He’s under suspicion in my book. Start the extradition papers immediately. One way ticket to Bean Town, please.
I wonder what one class he’s taking? Urban Planning?
posted by Sam on September 15th, 2005 at 10:25 amyeah a “whole five days” is certainly enough time to judge a city … I have spent 5 days in Louisville every year for about 10 years … no where near an expert on that area … spent 5 days in Delray Beach … nice but no expert.
hmmm …
Phelps is taking _one_ class?? must be nice to be a famous undergrad, because the normal ones do not get that kind of treatment …
posted by any on September 15th, 2005 at 10:37 amPhelps is taking _one_ class?? must be nice to be a famous undergrad, because the normal ones do not get that kind of treatment …
I don’t think he’s a student in the normal sense–he’s not on the UM swim team and isn’t on scholarship. He’s just living and training here (and apparently taking a course as a part time student).
posted by mw on September 15th, 2005 at 11:21 amCrap, I forgot. Why do we care what coddled sports stars think???
posted by A2saint on September 15th, 2005 at 3:38 pmOoops, Ginny didn’t like Ann Arbor when she visited for five days. I better move out while I can, before the real estate takes a nose-dive on me. Ginny is probably from West Lafayette.
posted by JJ on September 15th, 2005 at 8:54 pmYou guys are right — five days wouldn’t be nearly enough to visit the arb and the Ark and Zingerman’s and Leopold Brothers and Espresso Royale and the Diag and The Blind Pig and the Michigan Theater. I mean, taking a walk from the South U area all the way to Main Street would take one whole morning.
posted by Anna on September 16th, 2005 at 7:11 amI don’t know how one could even begin to compare Ann Arbor and Baltimore - there’s just no contest at all… The Baltimore city web site clearly states that it is the “Greatest City in America”, and if you read it on the internet it must be true: http://www.ci.baltimore.md.us/
posted by FAA on September 16th, 2005 at 9:03 amNo reason to spend a whole moprning walking from South U. to Main. The Link is up and running again! Although if you took it you wouldn’t get to spin the Cube.
And I wouldn’t consider a trip to Ann Arbor complete unless I shtuped some coed at the Sigma Delta Tau house and ate a big bowl of steaming lentils at Lester.
And I like to piss on the M just to re-establish my territory.
See, bored after five days is pretty close to not bored at all. All you gotta do is fill up seven days and then start over again.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on September 16th, 2005 at 10:20 amHmm… Why hasn’t anyone busted out the old “I spent a week in Ann Arbor one afternoon.” BWAHAHAHAHA… Now THAT’S a funny critique of life in ol’ A-Squared. You all are really disappointing me.
posted by Do I know you? on September 16th, 2005 at 11:33 amI hate the entire state of Maryland, for a variety of reasons, only some justified. I’m sure he had a lovely life there, but personally, I wouldn’t touch a rental agreement in that state with a ten foot ballpoint pen.
Small? I thought we were the Manhattan of the Midwest?
FAA: It’s a great time in Detroit!
posted by Jen on September 16th, 2005 at 3:03 pmhehe I like that one - spent a week in Ann Arbor one afternoon …
well maybe the five days were during art fair … yeah I could see wanting to bolt after that and never come back … if one was not use to it.
posted by any on September 16th, 2005 at 5:16 pmThe Ann Arbor Parking Referee has a picture-collage poster of “No Art Fair Parking” signs. Cute, but I wonder who went through the trouble of putting together and printing the poster, and how I could go about getting one. The text at the bottom said “Welcome To Ann Arbor”.
Although the residents who put up “Free Art Fair Parking” signs with arrows that led out of town are still just fucking jerks. Probably the type to tear down flyers.
posted by Jen on September 16th, 2005 at 7:18 pmi read in a student newspaper (ok, it was a student humor newspaper) that michael phelps is majoring in fucking.
posted by peter honeyman on September 16th, 2005 at 10:15 pmI heard that the keys to his success as a swimmer are the following:
- he is a lovecraftian fish-person, product of horrifying miscegenation with water dwelling demons (see: The Shadow Over Innsmouth)
posted by Real Big on September 17th, 2005 at 3:13 am- he drinks his own piss thrice daily as a purification ritual
- he is a motorboat that runs on pootang instead of gasoline
- i’ve never seen him, but his name makes him sound like he has a moustache
- he routinely cheats by ripping huge farts in mid stroke to blast himself through the water (check the rules guys, is that one legal? I’ve never been much of a swimmer)
- he is the son of god
Disclaimer–Having lived in both Baltimore and Ann Arbor, and in general agreement about the horribleness of both places….
Ann Arbor makes Baltimore look like the 5th circle of hell. Actually, Baltimore really doesn’t need a comparison city to look like the 5th circle of hell. That said, Phelps is from suburban Towson — which if moved to the state of Michigan, would probably resemble Livonia. Is that really much of a trade-down?
posted by sometime on September 17th, 2005 at 3:52 pmYou can’t really compare AA to Baltimore. Baltimore is a City. Ann Arbor is a college campus. I really don’t see why anyone who is not a student would live within 5 blocks of central campus..make that 10 blocks. The town is definitley overpriced, but that is because of the large undergrad population not because it is so desirable to live here.
Oh, and Phelps is a little boy. He still watches MTV. You can’t expect him to appreciate the charms of small town life.
posted by murder on September 18th, 2005 at 11:06 am“Sometime”’s comment above is absolutely correct, concerning Towson being a fairly forgettable suburb of Baltimore, and as I recall it also had one of the largest malls in the U.S.
I can’t say I agree with the comparison made betwixt Baltimore and the 5th circle of hell, however.
I lived in Baltimore for around 4 months in winter of 1992, and really liked the city. My only complaint would be that they have had a few very cheesy experiments, starting in the 1980’s with the Inner Harbor, in what we in 2005 Michigan would identify as “Cool City Initiatives” (most recently, I hear that Fell’s Point is undergoing gentrification). Overall, though, I found things to be quite affordable there, pretty walkable, as safe as any big city, and considering its age there are a very high percentage of older and historic buildings still standing and being utilized (I lived in an unheated c.1900 brownstone north of the city).
Plus, it does things like the Kinetic Sculpture Race, and also produced such luminaries as Edgar Allen Poe and John Waters.
I’ve also heard that when Baltimore gets blown up by the British it makes such a pretty site that even prisoners feel obliged to write poems about it.
posted by brett on September 18th, 2005 at 4:12 pmI just moved from Baltimore to Ann Arbor, too, for a job, and Phelps is totally right — Baltimore is much more interesting.
And Baltimore is not the 5th circle of hell, it is by far one of the best cities, US or European, I have been to.
posted by Baltimore on September 18th, 2005 at 6:30 pmBaltimore: You and Michael Phelps should date.
posted by Real Big on September 18th, 2005 at 7:29 pmOne more DISCLAIMER (I don’t mind establishing my biases) — I lived directly in the city of Baltimore, in Canton (which along with Fells Point has been more than gentrified). While in Ann Arbor, I lived in the Northwest side/Newport area. I lived in both for educational purposes only…. and still fight over which place was worse.
That said, Baltimore is not a big city. The metropolitan area is decently large, but the city limits themselves aren’t (although, compared to A squared…) And after discarding the number of hideous neighborhoods, you’re left with a city the size of maybe Ann Arbor and Ypsi put together. If you compare on that reduction of Baltimore to its nicest 5%, then I agree, Baltimore wins hands down. It’s really just like a small Detroit — as long as you never leave downtown, it’s great.
posted by sometime on September 18th, 2005 at 8:07 pmWho cares? He’s just another kike. Kill ‘em all and let god sort ‘em out.
posted by Jonas on September 19th, 2005 at 12:32 amStill in that whale, Jonas?
posted by js on September 19th, 2005 at 11:07 amNo, no, I’m pretty sure he was spit out approximately 40 days later… But apparently still blames everyone who doesn’t eat pork for his ordeal.
posted by FAA on September 19th, 2005 at 12:31 pmI really don’t see why anyone who is not a student would live within 5 blocks of central campus..make that 10 blocks. The town is definitley overpriced, but that is because of the large undergrad population not because it is so desirable to live here.
Why not? We’re east of campus. The Arb is close, Gallup Park is close. The neighborhood is eminently walkable and bikeable. The local elementary school is excellent. The kids can and do get together with friends and explore the town without being chauffeured everywhere. The neighborhood is leafy and green and even the architecture is pretty decent (lots of old craftsmen houses). If you’re 23 and single, the excitement level is probably less than what you’re looking for (and the cost is a lot more), but if you’re in your 30s with school aged kids — what’s not to like?
posted by mw on September 19th, 2005 at 1:44 pmNice job on the Deep Ones reference.
Regarding Phelps and fucking; I reckon it’s a good thing he’s a famous Olympic swimming dude, because I saw a picture of him and he is one seriously goofy-looking mofo.
posted by Dave on September 19th, 2005 at 5:10 pm“Free Art Fair Parking†signs with arrows that lead out of town….what a wonderful idea….why didn’t someone think of that sooner?
posted by BigT on September 19th, 2005 at 8:33 pmmy (chlorinated) teenage daughters think he’s hot. go figger.
posted by peter honeyman on September 19th, 2005 at 8:38 pmBaltimore has gritty neighborhoods that Ann Arbor can’t match. You have to commute to Detroit to get the same feel. I hate commuting.
posted by Seth on September 21st, 2005 at 2:55 amWhen I was in Baltimore, I was playing tennis with a friend when some children asked us for a tennis ball. We didn’t have extras to give them, so they then threw golf ball sized rocks at us until we left. Another time I watched as a car on the street was broken into in plain sight of a security guard. He stayed in his little booth on the corner of the street and did nothing. Later I found out that the booth was put there for the protection of the guards because the neighborhood was considered fairly unsafe. This was right outside a main entrance to the hospital. If this is an example of a “gritty” neighboorhood, then maybe it’s a good thing that Ann Arbor doesn’t have one.
posted by JCP2 on September 21st, 2005 at 7:49 am