Imagine There’s No Townships
The location of the proposed new high school is known for “serving Ann Arbor as a site of Beauty,” says a movie on the Citizens for Responsible Schools site. “Will this now Change?” We don’t Know, but we immensely enjoyed the strains of dramatic New Age music that serve as the soundtrack while the names of Ann Arbor intersections flash on the screen. “Jackson at Maple. Miller at Maple.”
Don’t get the idea that this is some kind of NIMBY effort, though. “This is not simply a matter of not in my backyard,” the site insists. In fact, it’s actually a matter of not on my street. “[I]magine that there will be students on foot and on bikes that will want to use your street, mornings and afternoons…Imagine that some people will simply choose to park along your road rather than try to deal with the traffic to the parking lots inside the school property.”
Wait! The district’s building on land they’ve owned for almost forty years?
Those bastards.
So, they pretty much think students of any level suck there, don’t they?
posted by rjwhite on August 16th, 2005 at 3:11 pm eMy god! Students on the streets? Riding bikes? Someone call the po-lice!
posted by Matt Hampel on August 16th, 2005 at 3:20 pm eOh no, now I’m not going to be able to frolick around in a fucking frog pond day-in and day-out.
It’s an even bigger shame because those once idyllic wetlands on the West Side of Ann Arbor were home to some alien cocoons fallen from space, which were granting West Side octogenarians eternal life and youthful vitality when they played in the water. This is the real reason everyone’s so pissed off.
posted by Real Big on August 16th, 2005 at 3:27 pm ei drove past the area last night and can’t BELIEVE how different it looks - all the tree leveling - i had been past it a month ago, a LOT different. wow.
posted by Anonymous on August 16th, 2005 at 3:28 pm eDude that’s probably because they’re building a school there.
posted by Real Big on August 16th, 2005 at 3:47 pm eI think the new school site is as asinine and suburban as anyone, but this is some of the most hillarious NIMBYism around… people PARKING ON THE STREET??? Or even WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK??? The Horror. I also think organizing to fight this before the millage might have been a better strategy…
posted by Brandon on August 16th, 2005 at 3:53 pm eI’m going to walk the fuck out of that sidewalk when the new school is erected, walk until my feet are black and blue.
posted by Real Big on August 16th, 2005 at 3:59 pm eThey did find an endangered salamander on that site. So we’ll all be sorry after Ann Arbor wipes out this precious species, screws up the food chain and we all starve to death.
posted by James on August 16th, 2005 at 4:32 pm eSpeaking of food chains, I bet they’ll be adding restaurants to accommodate all those new side-walkers and street-parkers… When will the madness end?!?!
posted by FAA on August 16th, 2005 at 4:45 pm eI like the way the front page mentions the “endangered” salamanders, in RED, no less than three times, but under “Latest News” they haven’t seen fit to mention that, whoops, mea culpa, they were actually fucking ordinary salamanders like you might use for fish bait.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 16th, 2005 at 4:50 pm eJames: One more reason to be a vegetarian. We’ll never starve for lack of salamanders.
posted by js on August 16th, 2005 at 7:14 pm eIt’s interesting that the CRS website fails to mention any members or officers by name. After all, we already know that they live in Walnut Ridge or Newport Creek (I know someone who got one of the initial organizing flyers for this group). I think that they should rename themselves as Citizens for Responsible and Alternative School Sites (CRASS). Their real agenda is spelled out in their Alternative Sites section as:
“What about the idea of non-”comprehensive” school where it’s needed instead of a large one (the District doesn’t like large schools), on an environmentally sensitive site that could be reserved for a major park, that will largely benefit the more affluent in the Ann Arbor community.”
posted by JCP2 on August 16th, 2005 at 10:32 pm eI think that’s just a really badly written sentence that’s supposed to mean that the large school, not the non-comprehensive one, will benefit the more affluent.
posted by ann arbor is overrated on August 16th, 2005 at 11:53 pm eBut I thought the members of CRS are the more affluent. Maybe they want the park instead. Someone should let them know Ranzini’s e-mail, so they could get some pointers from him.
posted by JCP2 on August 17th, 2005 at 8:54 am eA Freudian slip.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 17th, 2005 at 8:55 am eWell, I was for the school until I found out that “a football stadium is planned for the site.” Football? Imagine the impact that will have on the surrounding area; salamnders will be pelted with “pigskins;” area residents will be bombarded on autumnal Friday nights with the scent of “popping corn” and the sounds of “marching bands;” and (gasp!) local merchants may be forced to part with some of the items nearest and dearest to their hearts, alcohol and coffee. In all seriousness, this high school seems to add to traffic problems instead of mitigating them, which is kind of regressive.
posted by Young Jeezy on August 17th, 2005 at 10:55 am eSee, I understand their complaints. I voted against the high school plan, and think it was poorly carried out and designed for the lowest-common denominator. I would have loved more schools like commie, and I can understand their concern over wetlands.
posted by js on August 17th, 2005 at 11:11 am eBut still. That bird has flown, y’know? The school’s goin’ in. Now is the time to work to make that school better, not to try and derail it with a salamander hail mary.
I enjoy salamanders and fava beans with a nice chianti.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 17th, 2005 at 1:46 pm eI say they destroy the strip mall that is at Maple and Jackson and put the school there. Everyone would be happy, no?
posted by peter on August 17th, 2005 at 2:23 pm eUmm, I don’t know what all this talk is about that Salamander being endangered. It ain’t on the list
http://ecos.fws.gov/tess_public/
servlet/
gov.doi.tess_public.servlets.VipListed?code=V&listings=0#D
That word they keep using, I don’t think it means what they think it means.
posted by Sally Mander on August 17th, 2005 at 2:27 pm eOfWinsurgent: 100 points for the Lambs reference.
posted by Real Big on August 17th, 2005 at 3:05 pm eThat video is so freaking funny I spurt iced tea out my nose. It was worth it.
I actually live in the MaMi district, so I guess I’m supposed to be concerned about this. So many of the things that CFS says are so ridiculous, it’s hard to take them seriously at all. Seems like some road expansion would be a good idea.
posted by Mike on August 17th, 2005 at 7:33 pm eJesus. I couldn’t get the video to work yesterday, so I just watched it. It’s so fucked up on so many levels. They call it an “old growth forest” without seeming to actually know, ecologically, what that means. They talk as though it’s some pristine woodland, and then say it’s dangerous because the highway interchange is right next to it. They appropriate some Native Americanish sounding music without factoring in that the land was taken from those people in the first place. And then at the end it goes into some bizarre first person account of a deer being driven from the propert and walking into “my yard”, which pretty clearly contradicts the preceding statement of “we are citizens from around the city….” No, fuck knob, you live next door. However the deer did suggest some hunting potential. Would they have opened it to hunting to save it? Somehow I doubt it, but it would be nice to have some land for sportsmen within the city.
Hey, that’s the pony I want! I want to hunt deer within city limits, preferably on a bus route because I don’t want to carry the bloody, dead fucker home in my car. And then I’m going to hang it on my front porch for a few days to tenderize it.
Christ, at this point I’d bulldoze the whole thing just out of pure spite. Put a Sam’s Club there. Or an oil refinery.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 18th, 2005 at 10:23 am ePSD - I bowhunted that land in the early nineties. Plenty of deer skulking around back there in those days.
posted by Anon on August 18th, 2005 at 10:53 am eHunting in self-righteous, bleeding-heart, compassionate, hippie Ann Arbor? No wonder you’re posting anonymously. You’d get tarred and feathered by the PETA brigade.
posted by Dave on August 18th, 2005 at 11:16 am eWell, duh, Dave.
I was running down Sunset a couple of year ago and spooked a deer, which ran ahead of me down the street for probably fifty yards before escaping to the north, into the cemetary. Anyone had any luck hunting in the Bluffs park?
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 18th, 2005 at 11:45 am ePSD: If you listen carefully at night, you can still hear the voices of my ancestors in those mighty woods, whispering in the wind that blows through the long grass, singing songs and telling tales of the hunt for the great white buffalo beneath the full moon. *single tear*
posted by Real Big on August 18th, 2005 at 1:15 pm eThat and the sound of undergrads urinating and/or vomiting in the bushes.
posted by Dave on August 18th, 2005 at 1:38 pm eDeer are rats with hooves. Like rats, they have adapted and multiplied along with the human population, growing fat on our garbage, and multiplying in the habitats we have accidentally created for them. If they weren’t furry mammals, they’d be about as popular as the emerald ash borer.
The urban areas of southern Michigan have way too many deer, because they are artificially protected here. That’s why we have over 60,000 car-deer crashes per year in this state, and many fatalities. The state should drastically increase hunting limits and the hunting season on deer in urban counties, with the object of getting rid of them.
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on August 18th, 2005 at 2:00 pm eBlast Bambi!
posted by Dave on August 18th, 2005 at 2:35 pm eCoincidentally, I had venison for dinner last night.
posted by JCP2 on August 18th, 2005 at 2:44 pm eMany fatalities, Larry? Try a dozen out of those 60,000. I don’t know if it’s karma or unrelated, but that’s about the same amount of deaths due to hunting accidents each year in this state.
Aren’t pigeons rats with wings? Do you propose a solution of urban county pigeon hunting? Now that semi-auto weapons are back on the market, that sounds like a good ol’ time!
posted by FAA on August 18th, 2005 at 2:48 pm eA friend of mine greased a fawn with his truck a few summers back. He gutted it and brought it to me and I invited people over for roast leg of roadkill bambi. It was excellent.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 18th, 2005 at 2:54 pm eYOUR DREAMS SHALL HENCEFORTH BE HAUNTED FOREVER, LARRY KESTENBAUM!
posted by The Ghost of a Deer on August 18th, 2005 at 4:04 pm eI ate pigeon once in Marrakech. Wasn’t too bad.
posted by Dave on August 18th, 2005 at 4:16 pm ewow. Im at a loss of words. I cant understand why this is becoming a huge deal.
posted by Nadine on August 18th, 2005 at 8:33 pm eI agree with Brandon though..geez
If these people have children at Pioneer or Huron, they would see the need for a third High School. But I suspect they care more about some fucking salamander than kids. But I suspect even more that they care more about themselves than kids.
I still wouldn’t be at all surprised if the salamander were a plant of some sort. What better way to stop a project than to suddenly “find” an endangered species.
Besides that, they knew the school district owned the land so what did they expect would happen?
posted by Kozzie on August 18th, 2005 at 10:57 pm ethe solution is to crossbreed human children with salamanders. I hope my kids have the opportunity to grow up both bilingual and amphibious.
posted by Real Big on August 19th, 2005 at 7:22 am eit’s irritating that citizens for responsible schools goes to such lengths to hide its membership. who could possibly trust such a closed and secretive organization to act in the community’s interest?
google provides some hints, e.g., on 11/21/04, the news reported that esther kirshenbaum is a member of CRS’ steering committee. (it is passing strange that CRS does not mention the existence or membership of its steering committee on their web page.) according to the phone book, her residence is a few hundred yards from the site of the new high school.
i guess alan pagliere is also involved in CRS. (alan told me the other day that it’s not NIMBY because it’s esther’s backyard, not his. ha ha.)
knowing (and trusting) esther and alan does not make me any less suspicious of CRS’ agenda — it is perhaps as deeply hidden as everything else about the organization.
posted by peter honeyman on August 19th, 2005 at 7:28 am eThis is just a theory/rumor I’ve heard/started:
CRS conceals its membership because they are all registered sex offenders. The opening of a new school in their backyard will result in numerous parole violations, forcing them to either move or face additional jail time.
You really have to give them credit, though, as the “endangered salamander cover up to prevent the rearrest of a pedophile” bit is quite original.
posted by FAA on August 19th, 2005 at 11:08 am e(snork. ten points to Real Big for “bilingual and amphibious”.)
According to my food-focused anthropologist uncle, pigeons are a pretty good food source for lots of urban residents who aren’t middle- to upper-class Americans. It’s a bit easier to raise pigeons on your roof than deer, though, so I don’t know how much of a case we can make for urban deer ranching.
posted by Murph on August 19th, 2005 at 11:19 am ewhy don’t you just move?
posted by A2 on August 19th, 2005 at 11:18 pm eMurph: You just need to breed Shetland deer.
A2: You know, the site owner can tell who’s posting what by their IP. I’d be more circumspect if I were you, Mr. Heiftje.
posted by js on August 20th, 2005 at 12:19 pm eThe salamander… Is apparently endangered in MICHIGAN. But there are LOTS of them in INDIANA. So, another red herring.
As the father of a Pioneer student, I am all for another high school. Maybe my son will be able to get through the halls at PiHi in another couple of years.
posted by Spencer on August 25th, 2005 at 11:35 pm eDe verdachte en zijn of haar advocaat zitten tegenover de rechter.
Tegenover de rechters zitten de verdachte en de advocaat. Voorheen bedroeg de termijn drie dagen, wat als te kort en te onrealistisch w
posted by Rechter Commissaris on February 9th, 2008 at 8:00 pm eHow i may contact admin this site? I have a question.
posted by Peestillich on October 2nd, 2008 at 9:16 am eiijiivei
Sounds like the John Lennon tune.
posted by Kaptain Krunch on February 9th, 2009 at 8:11 pm e