Greenway Debate Heats Up
Okay, we knew that the greenway debate was getting intense, but this is ridiculous. “A 23-year-old man told city police that he was attacked by a man who asked, ‘Where’s the trees? Where’s the green?’ before punching him at 1:30 a.m. today on the 800 block of Packard Street,” the News reports. They then told him to hand over the green chits, and no one gets hurt.
Must have been Cowherd.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 5th, 2005 at 11:44 amTrees? Green? Couldn’t someone have simply directed him to one of the many Ann Arbor parks featuring lush, beautiful, scenic vegetation, with plenty of nice benches to sit on and relax? Or could this man have been speaking in some sort of cryptic “lingo”? hmmmm…
posted by Real Big on August 5th, 2005 at 11:48 amMan, the Green Machine is getting pretty testy.
posted by Brandon on August 5th, 2005 at 12:04 pmWell, 800 block is Forsythe Park, so there were trees right there. (Except, no, wait, Forsythe is one of what the Parks Dept calls “Urban Plazas”, like what the DDA proposed to provide on 1st/William, so we know that wouldn’t count for the Friends of the Greenway Black Ops Division, Project Wolfpack.
Maybe I oughta be more observant on my late night walks home from downtown. I figure I’m pretty safe, though - I always carry my DDA-issued rail gun and a couple of Honda Civics to fire out of it. (The real reason the DDA likes above-ground parking better? Easier access to ammunition.)
posted by Murph. on August 5th, 2005 at 1:02 pmDid anyone hear the followup on this? The same man was seen posing the question “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” immediately before decking him.
posted by Real Big on August 5th, 2005 at 1:06 pmIt wasn’t me. I always ask, “Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?” before I beat the shit out of my victims.
posted by Dave on August 5th, 2005 at 1:56 pmDave, has anyone ever answered, “but of course?”
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 5th, 2005 at 2:49 pmNope, OFW, they are usually swallowing a knuckle sandwich before they can answer. I am such a bad ass.
posted by Dave on August 5th, 2005 at 3:47 pmPSD, Real Big, I don’t mind saying that I shat myself at each of your comments. So I will. “I shat myself at each of your comments.”
posted by Lazaro on August 5th, 2005 at 4:01 pmI’m truly flattered, Lazaro. That’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever received.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on August 5th, 2005 at 4:18 pmOkay, everyone. I hate to break in here, but…
Ann Arbor, Michigan: The City of Cool
http://www.cafepress.com/shop/locale/browse/store/bestdesign.26441314
Thank you, Brandon for the link.
Okay, have you all known about this and not told me? This is hilarious. Is there a montage of people wearing this T-Shirt in and about Ann Arbor, and, you know, look cool? You know, chillin’ ?
posted by Alan Gutierrez on August 5th, 2005 at 4:19 pmI usually defend Ann Arbor, but could there be a “whiter” tee-shirt than that?
posted by Disgruntled Dad on August 5th, 2005 at 4:27 pmToo cool even for caps or commas.
posted by Dave on August 5th, 2005 at 4:29 pmUh-oh–now I read the article. I guess I’ll have to be careful running the State Street cordon this evening…
posted by Lazaro on August 5th, 2005 at 4:43 pmSomeone should buy that shirt and ship it to Mandrake as his going away present.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 5th, 2005 at 5:05 pmI gotta believe they’ll sell a grand total of none.
posted by LF on August 5th, 2005 at 7:02 pmI know where the ‘greenway’ is NOT. Anyone driven past the new high school site lately?
posted by tc on August 5th, 2005 at 7:18 pmWhatever the man said before he assaulted this guy is irrelevant, he was probably just inventing for some kind of reason to kick the shit out of that guy. Hey, I am completely honest when i say that i would love to beat the shit out of any 23 year old male walking on Packard around 1:30AM anywhere between Dewey and The Blue Front, don’t tell me you wouldn’t.
posted by Kaz on August 5th, 2005 at 11:27 pmLet me just add here, because i am a pathological lunatic, that any 23 year old male with their stupid little baseball hat cocked to the side would get a double whooped, possibly curbed and strangled.
posted by Kaz on August 5th, 2005 at 11:29 pmKaz - Are your peevish fantasies of violence supposed to amuse?
posted by Alan Gutierrez on August 6th, 2005 at 1:07 amOkay, so now that Ann Arbor is The City of Cool, what can we do to promote this fact visitors? What makes Ann Arbor The City of Cool?
And is the The pronounced with a long e?
posted by Alan Gutierrez on August 6th, 2005 at 1:09 amAlan - maybe this little “crime wave” is jus a Cool City marketing ploy. You know, to make Ann Arbor seem “urban” and “gritty”. That way people can come to downtown Ann Arbor from Birmingham or West Bloomfield, have dinner at the Chop House with all the other people from the yupscale burbs, and get a little thrill that they’re out on the town in dangerous, wild Ann Arbor - a real city! (Detroit? No, they won’t think of going to Detroit - that’s “urban” in a whole different sense, if you know what I’m saying.)
Ah, ‘burb-bashing. Such an easy target, and yet never fails to satisfy that need for moral righteousness… (Says the kid from Chelsea.)
posted by Murph. on August 6th, 2005 at 11:30 amok - the shirt is from Cafe Press. Which means it cost absolutely nothing to put that up online. Someone probably just threw it together with MS Paint and put it up online hoping to make a buck or two. That’s it, done and done. Nothing made this “the city of cool” except one idiot with a internet connection.
… well, and the fact that it is totally! cool!. I mean, hell, we have an Urban Outfitters. That’s the definition of cool.
posted by Jen on August 6th, 2005 at 12:53 pmIt’s okay that Ann Arbor isn’t cool. That’s why I moved here. I escaped here from Manhattan because I was getting too old to be cool. Another plus is that I’m saving more money because there aren’t too many good restaurants here to go to on a regular basis.
posted by JCP2 on August 6th, 2005 at 2:04 pmamen.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 6th, 2005 at 3:06 pmAlan,
You got me all wrong, lad. Far from being for amusement, my posting was meant to be evocative. I am seeking a community of like minded people. And far from being “peevish fantasies,” they are actually hard set convictions. As follows, i am seeking people with similar convictions. Now, note that i am a crazy and foolish asshole. Most other people have not bothered to condescend to me as you have, they know that i am irrelevant. Indeed, they are not like minded people.
but you, Alan, have decided address me. Furhtermore, it seems you prostest too much. Do you secretly harbor the same religious hatred that i do for 23 year old males who walk down Packard after midnight? I think you do, sir. I enlist your help to wipe out this bad element. You and I, Alan, can fufill such a mission.
I propose that you and i meet next saturday. Perhaps at Forsythe, the now sacrosanct site of the first rebellion against this newly sworn enemy. I will bring the psychedelics, amphetamines and makeshift weaponry. You only need to bring your nascent fury. We can make Ann Arbor a better place, Alan. I promise you that.
posted by Kaz on August 6th, 2005 at 7:14 pm….which reminds me — whatever happened to Mandrake?
posted by A Different Jon on August 6th, 2005 at 9:36 pmSo Kaz, 22 and 24 year old males are non-combatants? Right?
posted by Chris L. on August 6th, 2005 at 10:29 pmthat’s correct, Chris L.
in order to strike most fiercely at this highly offensive demographic, we can’t allow the senseless decapitation of innocents to dilute our energies nor discredit our public image. Unfortunately, we will be forced to observe a strict ID policy.
The time lost, however, will prove to be a worthy sacrifice come the day when there are no more 23 year old males dumping their watery and foul smelling semen into our gene pool. That is, the gene pool consistent of all procreative individuals in ann arbor who tend to do a majority of their walking on Packard between the hours of 12:00 and 2:00 am.
good question, son.
posted by Kaz on August 7th, 2005 at 1:58 amKaz - Your prose is flowery, psychotic. I’m not fond of youth, or youthful things, true. Not quite that offended by it, either. Try me again after move-in.
Urban Outfitters - A tribute to child labor. That L.A. Connection, however, what with all the soft-core posters, and the banner ads on Boing Boing. I suspect that might be cool.
Murph - Is this really a “crime wave”? I always feel very safe in Ann Arbor. I’m actually surprised that you can get mugged around there.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on August 7th, 2005 at 6:51 amWell, the Ann Arbor News thinks so, and they never sensationalize, right?
It is generally the case that crime in Ann Arbor (the violent kind) is up significantly this year after last year’s drop from previous years. (I say “significantly” in complete knowledge that I can’t make a good statistical claim to that, since I’ve only personally seen about four years worth of crime stats, which is kind of a small sample…) It’s also the case that there’s plenty of crime that goes on in Ann Arbor in general - check the news stories about gas station employees being shot, etc. Is it enough to be frightened of? No, not to me personally. Is it enough to be aware of? Yes.
Of course, considering the number of cops I saw the other night while walking down Packard late, I’m currently feeling at greater risk of being accidentally run over by a Crown Vic than of being randomly beat up.
posted by Murph on August 7th, 2005 at 10:18 amFrom what I remember seeing in the Observer, violent crime definitely rose a couple of months ago from what it had been the year before. And then one wonders if unreported crimes (sexual assaults and the like) rise in proportion with those reported…
posted by Lazaro on August 7th, 2005 at 12:06 pmForsythe Park has never been a particularly lovely park - if any hunk of urban landscape needs to be turned into a skate park that would be a good one to go. (Too small for a dog park.)
posted by Edward Vielmetti on August 9th, 2005 at 12:11 amKaz,
posted by sswotc on August 11th, 2005 at 4:48 pmI love you! Will you marry me?
Just to pass on some information I got from the good ole OFW Association today…there was a drug bust across the street from Treasure Mart, and there is another house over on Elizabeth (near St. Thomas Catholic Church on N. State and E. Kingsley) where there is a lot of weird and suspiicious activity. There was an armed robbery on that block last month and someone was assaulted on North State over the weekend, and there have been a lot of trembly folks shaking down my neighbors and other people who hang out around this area for money. One obvious meth addict panhandled me last week so he could “go to Zingerman’s.” (?)
In any event, just wanted to give you the heads up if you walk around in this part of town.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 11th, 2005 at 5:04 pmParticularly starting in the recessions and depressions of the 70’s it’s been common for various hustlers and criminals to come to Ann Arbor because its well known that there is always money here. Ann Arbor is even more affluent now. As the money keeps drying up in other communities, the people who want it and will do whats necessary to get it will come in larger numbers.
posted by stella on August 12th, 2005 at 3:11 amWow, that sucks. I’ve been known to walk to St. Thomas for Sunday Mass, though I haven’t gone in a few months. Now I wonder if I should try that again…?
posted by Dave on August 12th, 2005 at 10:47 amYeah, look out dude, a homeless person might talk to you! Or someone from a “drug house” may come out and attempt to intoxicate you with drugs!
posted by Real Big on August 12th, 2005 at 10:57 amThanks, now I know what streets to stay on to get my fix! xxoo
posted by sswotc on August 12th, 2005 at 11:37 amWell, OFWI mentioned an armed robbery and assault, which is quite another matter than a “homeless” bum talking to me.
posted by Dave on August 12th, 2005 at 12:06 pmThen be a sissy and don’t go to church - god doesn’t exist anyway.
posted by Real Big on August 12th, 2005 at 12:24 pmDrugs are dandy.
Assholes who hit you over the head to get drugs are not so dandy.
Don’t worry Dave, most of this shit is happening in non-church hours.
posted by OFWinsurgent on August 12th, 2005 at 3:44 pmBuddy of mine from late undergrad and from Downriver who used to bitch about Japanese steel and who now sells it moved in with some violent rats on Maynard (?) just south of William. He thought they were cool.
He would see his apartment-mates go out with bricks to toss through car windows to steal stuff. They called it “Fuzzbusting”. He would los see Catholic Social Services drop off bags of food for the same people.
posted by A Different Jon on August 13th, 2005 at 12:06 pmFor those out-of-towners who are unfamiliar with the local slang…. “trees” and “green” are referances to a highly addictive, illegal street drug also known as MARIJUANA. The effects of which can be clearly shown in the forementioned example. The assailant clearly exhibited signs of extreme addiction which always lead to violent eradic behavior. Remember kids say no to that sticky icky icky….MARIJUANA THE NEW CRACK COCAIN!
posted by RAK on March 5th, 2006 at 3:01 pmMurph - Is this really a “crime wave� I always feel very safe in Ann Arbor. I’m actually surprised that you can get mugged around there.
posted by canabisseed on April 24th, 2007 at 2:11 am