ann arbor is overrated. » Blog Archive

Fairy Stories

Fairy doors have started to appear throughout downtown, often decorated quite similarly to the buildings they adorn. Perhaps we’ll see a little concrete door at First and William put there by the parking lot fairies, who, as we all know, are deathly allergic to anything green.

71 Responses to “Fairy Stories”

WTF?
posted by srah on July 26th, 2005 at 2:23 pm
“Illustrator Jonathan Wright, who seems to know an awful lot about fairy doors, theorizes that woodland fairies displaced by development have moved into the city.”

:slaps self on forehead:

what the hell?
posted by Jen on July 26th, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Yeah, isn’t that why we passed the greenbelt?
posted by ann arbor is overrated on July 26th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
If this guy actually makes money off of the book he’s planning on writing…

well…

damnit, why didn’t I major in “making money off of idiots”.
posted by Jen on July 26th, 2005 at 2:48 pm
I don’t know, he might not make too much money - this sounds like one of those things that only people in Ann Arbor care about.
posted by Nick on July 26th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
See, liberals? This is what happens when kids don’t get the shit kicked out of them often enough! They grow up and make “fairy doors” all over your town!
posted by js on July 26th, 2005 at 4:51 pm
Entertaining pre-schoolers! What will Ann Arborites think of next? Santa-Claus? Tooth-fairy? And, damn it, this might make small children
want to walk around town — a total
disruption to normal afterschool TV viewing.
posted by Anonymous on July 26th, 2005 at 5:21 pm
The message, kids, is that cute vandalism goes unpunished.
posted by Chris on July 26th, 2005 at 5:21 pm
Fairy door… sounds like a slang term for homosexual activity. Definitely a subversive plot to corrupt Our Children.
posted by Dave on July 26th, 2005 at 7:21 pm
What? No pictures? This story demands pictures.
posted by Frank on July 26th, 2005 at 7:31 pm
It’s just a gateway to glory holes…santorum awaits!
posted by OFWinsurgent on July 26th, 2005 at 9:07 pm
Heh — I had exactly the same thought, Dave.
posted by Anna on July 26th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
Yeah, JS; we don’t batter our kids because NPR tells us not to. BTW, last time I was in New York (the city that everyone on this board seems to nget erect thinking about) I saw a young, pointless punk sitting in WSP with a sign reading “will F— for change.” He decided that he liked the looks of disgruntled wife, so he ran after us trying to tackle her in the street. He tripped, and I held him on the ground with my shoes until he was taken away by an officer. Guess what? He was on the street the next day!! Now, Nick, is that the “excitement” you want Ann Arbor to have?
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 9:39 am
Sounds pretty cool to me, Dad. Was the problem that your wife didn’t have any change?
posted by js on July 27th, 2005 at 9:50 am
Oh. My. God. There’s crime in big cities?
posted by Dale on July 27th, 2005 at 10:02 am
Dale: Yeah, but there’s no crime in Ann Arbor. No homeless people either! LALALALALALACAN’THEARYOU!
Or perhaps this was supposed to be an anecdote that showed the difference between NYC and Dexter, where all the meth abuse and domestic violence is at least sub rosa?
posted by js on July 27th, 2005 at 10:09 am
so… that would make me the only person to know folks who have gotten mugged in ann arbor? gosh… & i thought i was only a hazard to myself…
posted by imbecile on July 27th, 2005 at 10:46 am
DDad: If only you’d have been in ann arbor, you’d have been able to escape through a fairy door!

…you “held him on the ground with your shoes”? Yeah, I bet. At what point did you turn into Charles Bronson, captain sensitive? I’d be more likely to believe that your wife subdued the guy, while you had to take a week off from work to go spend time out in the woods banging on drums in the nude with your buddies to explore acceptable forms of masculine self expression. I bet you’re a one man fighting machine when it comes to 16 year old kids with NoFX bumper stickers, though.
posted by Real Big on July 27th, 2005 at 10:50 am
Mmm, I dunno. Someone got mugged on my street last year, and I knew the apartment of someone who was dealing, albeit in minor quantity.

The few months afterwards, by the time I moved out, the city still hadn’t put streetlights in. So crime is OK, as long it’s in the student ghetto.

(I don’t think he’ll make a lot of money off of the book, but he’ll make enough, especially if somehow it gets picked up on a preschool reading list or something.)

I’m off to look for a fairy door, if only to find the bottle of “drink me” next to it. Oh, the excitment that will ensue.
posted by Jen on July 27th, 2005 at 11:23 am
Oooh, Jen. I’m gonna go fill one of my neat little yard sale bottles with laundry blueing and write “drink me” on it next, leaving it next to one of the doors.
posted by js on July 27th, 2005 at 11:36 am
I found a picture of a fairy door at the A2 Knit In blog
posted by glitzy on July 27th, 2005 at 12:21 pm
I became “Bronson-esque” by tossing out the car radio in my vain attempt to avoid NPR. The lack of NPR causes me to avoid shaving, bathing, discussing problems before resorting to pugalism, and toothbrushing. However, if I were a gambling dad, I would bet that my jones for Mara Liasson and Ed Gordon is just too strong; I’ll be jamming my ear against anything that even looks like a radio soon. JS, the disgruntled family doesn’t carry change. It just encourages local punk rockers spangers to smash our Volvo windows to steal it. Instead, we give change as “tips” (the punk community seems to be oblivious to the concept of “tipping”), or we throw it out. In its place, we keep pictures of Michael Dukakis and old fashioned small towns in our Volvo, in the place where change would normally go. That seems to scare the punk kids off.
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 1:09 pm
Sorry to take so long in responding, Disgruntled Dad - during the summer days in Ann Arbor the boredom slows my pulse so much that I periodically fall into a coma. Anyway, I always thought this site was far more enamored of Boston, Chicago, or Pittsburgh than NYC. My own reference point is Pgh. - if a town can’t come close to matching the level of stimulus offered by Pittsburgh (which, in comparison to the larger coastal cities in the US, is not that bloody high), while costing twice as much to live in, I think it’s ripe for being taken down a few notches.
posted by Nick on July 27th, 2005 at 2:03 pm
Give in to your anger, Disgruntled Dad. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant. Oh, and also.. have you ever considered accepting the fact that you’re horribly lame and moving way out in the suburbs, rather than sticking around the city and constantly bitching about everything?
posted by Real Big on July 27th, 2005 at 2:18 pm
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05208/544108.stm

Good news, Nick; your old stomping grounds are no longer in last place! Kudos, Dude! Sounds like babes and internet poker galore in your fair city. Ann Abror could never keep up with something like that.
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 2:24 pm
http://www.mcall.com/sports/all-bassmasterjul27,0,5529298.story?coll=all-sports-hed

Now that’s cooler than art fair. Read the article; “Bass Fishing is cool.” See? If the Post-Gazette writers think that something is cool, case closed. Now that’s an event that won’t draw overweight midwestern white people, right? If only Ann Arbor could match Pittsbugh’s cool…
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Sorry; that should be “morning call” writers
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Disgruntled Dad, Your message makes clear that you’ve never been to Pittsburgh. If you ever do get the urge to leave the safe confines of Ann Arbor again, it is a mere five hour drive. Of course, given that the trip to NYC appears to have insulted your provincial sensibility, I won’t expect a report any time soon.
posted by Anna on July 27th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Congrats, you all just got trolled by Disgruntled Dad. It’s blazingly obvious that he’s leading you on (and getting quite the rouse, too).

I work with someone from AA and she is basically the embodiment of why I will never, ever go to AA.
posted by Big John on July 27th, 2005 at 3:25 pm
It’s probably time for me to come clean and admit that I *am* Disgruntled Dad. Hope everyone had a good laugh.
posted by Real Big on July 27th, 2005 at 3:32 pm
I love Pittsburgh. City of bridges. Three, count ‘em, three rivers. Walkable neighborhoods. Good food, served on 14 inch dinner plates. And this concept, as a Michigander, I still don’t quite grasp, called, terrain. You change elevation without a staircase or elevator.

Also, fairy doors, what a high concept. Where did this come from? Cannot be Ann Arbor. It is too clever.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on July 27th, 2005 at 3:36 pm
I can imagine an adult twenty years from now, saying, yeah, and I thought fairies were real, because, no really, my hometown was filled with doors for fairies, and people would leave things for fairies at the doors.

I reserve judgment. If Ann Arbor is the birthplace of the fairy door, then I’m going to crow about it.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on July 27th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
God, I thought *I* was Disgruntled Dad.
posted by Anna on July 27th, 2005 at 3:56 pm
I’m just disgruntled.
posted by Dave on July 27th, 2005 at 4:18 pm
DD: I see you more as Bronson-Pinchot-esque than ol’ Death Wish. As for tipping, well, you’re always welcome to ask your Mollified Mom just how satisfied she is with the punk rock tipping the community’s giving her.
posted by js on July 27th, 2005 at 4:36 pm
By the way, it was the 15th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act yesterday. I’m surprised fairy doors were so long in coming.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on July 27th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
Good one JS. Is it “cool” now to make cut-downs like George Costanza (”Oh yeah? I had sex with your wife!”)? If so, I’ll do it. So far, I’ve learned a lot from this site; liberals, recycling, old fashioned downtowns, organic farming, NPR, volvos, “Your mother” cutdowns, greenways, art fair, and Bronson Pinchot are “uncool,” while steel skyscrapers, Pittsburgh (chortle, snicker), god-awful talentless punk rock, Charles Bronson, and pointless overcrowding are “cool.”
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 4:50 pm
That’s entirely false - Bronson Pinchot is awesome. His portrayal of loveable Meposian man-child Balkey Bartokomus on TV’s “Perfect Strangers” is one of network television’s finest moments. You probably don’t have a TV, so you don’t know that. Because of your lack of TV, your children will no doubt be culturally illiterate. You probably make them brush their teeth with the crappy organic toothpaste that makes their breath smell bad, too, so all of their teeth will rot out of their heads before the reach age 15. All hail Bronson Pinchot.
posted by Real Big on July 27th, 2005 at 4:56 pm
No, no; we volvo liberals buy regular toothpaste. We just feel bad about it. Not as cool as not brushing your teeth at all, though, right? Because punk rock and boring steel skyscrapers are “highbrow,” as I’m sure Clement Greenberg would agree.
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 4:59 pm
As a Volvo Liberal, I feel it’s my duty to add that it’s not the toothpaste that concerns us; no, it’s the inhumane conditions of the Chinese workers who make our toothbrushes.

Protest! Stop brushing your teeth in solidarity!
posted by Volvo Liberal on July 27th, 2005 at 7:34 pm
The urge to go around AA with a spray bottle spritzing fairy doors and telling small children that I’m spraying fairycide to kill the invasive little buggers is almost overwhelming.

I envision sobbing children, outraged parents, and a Guggenheim performance art grant.
posted by art student on July 27th, 2005 at 7:55 pm
Somebody definitely needs to print up some “Pesticide Application” warning stickers. “Invasive species: Door Fairy - keep children and pets away for 24 hours after application”
posted by Scott on July 27th, 2005 at 10:05 pm
Naw, Dad, it’s not the insults that are cool, it’s the fuckin’ your wife that’s cool. Except when you do it, for some reason.
Oh, and “your mother” jokes are never cool. “Yo Momma” jokes, however, are. You’d know that if yo momma weren’t so stupid that she thought your Volvo was an unspeakable part of a woman’s anatomy.
posted by js on July 27th, 2005 at 10:37 pm
Like what, the duodenum? My mother did mistake a punk rocker’s dirty, roach infested van for a femur, once, but her spectecles weren’t in at the time. You really do think that the humour that Seinfeld mocked ten+ years ago is funny; I guess that’s cool, right? Wait; a lot of volvo liberals love Seinfeld, so maybe it isn’t that cool. Maybe if it were set in Pittsburgh?
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 27th, 2005 at 11:11 pm
Disgruntled Dad, if you are a real person, I will eat my own pants.
posted by Real Big on July 28th, 2005 at 8:33 am
But are your pants organic?
posted by Anna on July 28th, 2005 at 9:25 am
Of course they are organic - I got them at the co-op for $500 and they are made entirely out of organic fruit roll-up material. The only problem with wearing them is that I can’t ride my bike or else they will melt, thus though I can act like I am better than everyone else because I bought my pants at the co-op, I am unable to simultaneously act like I am better than everyone else by pretending not to have a car.
posted by Real Big on July 28th, 2005 at 10:56 am
Real Big, you’re right; people who buy things at Wal-Mart are actually better than people who purchase things from a responsible manufacturer. I keep forgetting this. I should have added that to the earlier list; Wal-Mart and pesitcide are cool (dude). No doubt we’ll be seeing them in Pittsburgh soon, if they aren’t there already (next to the video game poker machines frequented by “cool” bass fishermen).
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 28th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
DD: I know, I know, it’s not the erudite observational humor that you’ve come to expect from Mastercard commercials (you do know that Seinfeld was cancelled, right?), but it does the trick in a pinch.
Like, yo momma so dumb that she thought a Greenway was a menáge à tree.
I could tell you what was funny about them, but explaining a joke (even to a bran muffin like you) kinda kills the whole thing. Hope you can understand, Dad.
posted by js on July 28th, 2005 at 12:15 pm
DD: Aw. Is your class condescension chokin’ you again? Damn them nasty folks at the Wal-Mart, what with their NASCAR and their lack of pretense! Will they never learn the pleasures of a finely made caftan or shopping from the J. Peterman catalog?
posted by js on July 28th, 2005 at 12:17 pm
JS, you’re in rare form on this thread.

And yes, all us Pittsburghers loves our Wal-Marts. If only we were walking without dragging our knuckles in the dirt we could buy the items on the higher shelves. In any case, Alan is right about the terrain in SW PA - trying to stay in shape by biking is useless in Michigan, there are no damn hills to get your heart rate up.

Perhaps I should restate my earlier point about Pittsburgh in a slightly different way: if you think Ann Arbor is too edgy and unpredictable, that may be a sign you need to get out more often.
posted by Nick on July 28th, 2005 at 12:35 pm
Can’t I go away for two days without a Bronson Pinchot/Volvo double entendres/Pittsburgh flamewar breaking out?
posted by ann arbor is overrated on July 28th, 2005 at 12:42 pm
In a perfect world, discussion of Bronson Pinchot would be ubiquitous.
posted by Real Big on July 28th, 2005 at 12:57 pm
He’s pretty funny on The Sureal Life…
posted by js on July 28th, 2005 at 1:19 pm
Long time reader, first time commenter:

Pittsburgh? Seriously?

If, of all the incredible cities in North America you have chosen Pittsburgh to pine for as you lull and complain about Ann Arbor, you are certainly doomed to an existence in which the highlight of your week is another AAIO post where you can argue with DD and make a Volvo joke for another 50 or so comments…
posted by FAA on July 28th, 2005 at 1:22 pm
Wow, after all this time, that was the best you could do? You should have held out until you had something meaningful to say.
posted by Dale on July 28th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
FAA, you didn’t complain about uncool things. You’ll get along much better on this board if you complain about, oh,… say, the Prius. Something along the lines of “Pittsuburgh is way more exciting than Ann Arbor because there aren’t as many self-satisified liberals driving Prius (plural?) there,” and people will be touting you all over town.
posted by Disgruntled Dad on July 28th, 2005 at 2:07 pm
FAA:
Hey man do you know any good Volvo jokes?
posted by Real Big on July 28th, 2005 at 2:07 pm
oh and re: terrain, have any of you guys been to kalamazoo? no hills? I get shin splints just thinking of that place. I feel like terrain is kind of a miniscule thing to complain about, really, I mean there’s not much you can do to change it short of unleashing an earthquake or a flood.
posted by Real Big on July 28th, 2005 at 2:11 pm
Please, oh please, can someone take pictures of the fairy doors and post them somewhere? Maybe flickr?

Here’s a story about growing up in Ann Arbor:

In the 70s, when I was in elementary school (Bryant) in Ann Arbor we always had special assemblies and classes to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday and the whole civil rights movement. We watched movies and sang songs like “We Shall Over Come.” Then, some time in the 80s folks started talking about MLK day as a national holiday, the first thing that came to my mind was “you mean it’s not?”.
posted by Colin J. on July 28th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
Dale, my comment didn’t have the breadth of meaning or poetic flare you are used to seeing here and writing yourself? I’m sending you a fruit basket - please accept it as an apology.

Real Big, you are tastefully funny but I’m sorry - I’m saving up all my Volvo material to go along with my fairy door props for an open mic night.
posted by FAA on July 28th, 2005 at 4:44 pm
The dead tree version of the AA News had several pix of fairy doors.
posted by tom on July 28th, 2005 at 4:56 pm
RB - Terrain is a small thing to complain about because you can’t change it? What sort of logic is that? Flat is boring. No proper water feature is boring. I’m supposed to enjoy Ann Arbor cause it can’t help the fact that it’s got all the geographic grace a parking lot? Does Ann Arbor have self-esteem issues we need to dance around?

Colin - That’s a *cool* AA story.

DD - Plural of Prius: Priussies.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on July 28th, 2005 at 7:24 pm
FAA — make sure it’s got some michigan peaches in it.
posted by Dale on July 28th, 2005 at 10:34 pm
AG: Do you think if Eugene Kang gets onto city council we will be able to build a mountain on the diag?
posted by Real Big on July 29th, 2005 at 10:08 am
Colin: Unfortunately, nowadays the kiddies in Ann Arbor are unable to sing songs at school on Dr. King’s birthday because the AAPS are closed on federal holidays. For this reason, you probably should not have been surprised to find that it was not a federal holiday while you were in school. Your misguided notions about what the rest of the world was up to are cute, however, and I’m glad that you are able to feel warm and fuzzy about your childhood.
posted by Andy on August 2nd, 2005 at 1:36 pm
Andy - Your patronizing tone is obnoxious. I don’t like you.
posted by Alan Gutierrez on August 6th, 2005 at 1:00 am
Alan: I’m sorry that I’ve annoyed you

But your quick judgement of me leads me to believe that I might not like you either.
posted by Andy on August 7th, 2005 at 4:17 pm
The fairies now have a website.
posted by Brandon on September 6th, 2005 at 10:20 pm
… and a business plan, it seems.

i expect to see urban fairies blocking traffic on main st. in their SUVs and lexii financed through online t-shirt sales and such.
posted by peter honeyman on September 7th, 2005 at 7:57 am
If one of those things shows up at my house I’m calling in the Orkin Army. The only urban fairies allowed on my street are the ones on their way up to the Aut Bar.
posted by Parking Structure Dude! on September 7th, 2005 at 12:16 pm