We Are the Robots
The Current’s “In Other Words” column this month features the musings of an EMU student who’s been walking around in a kind of daze, snapping back to full consciousness only to find that there’s a Zoup! near her house, her cereal is crunchy but quickly becomes soggy and Terry Gross interrupts people laughing on Fresh Air to ask them questions. And there are other, more sinister happenings that suddenly become apparent to her newly critical eye. For instance, EMU is using its “technology classes” as part of a program to soften up human students into eventually accepting an impending cyborg takeover:
Cybernetics professor Kevin Warwick says that “borgs” are human beings that embody some machine-like traits. While reading an article about borgs, I attempt to practice my new sense of attentiveness. I notice that the author refers to the process of cyborg-ization as an upgrade for human beings…Having gone through a sudden transformation from completely comatose to being constantly alert, I acknowledge this subtle attempt to persuade me — the human reader — to think that becoming a cyborg is progress is, at best, propaganda.
But it gets worse. EMU’s subtle pro-machine conditioning program has almost inured her to the evil of the supermarket self-checkout, when “[I]t hits me like tear gas at an International Monetary Fund rally.” Which, as we all know, is pretty fast. “I, along with the dozen other shoppers around me, have chosen to interact with a machine instead of a live, conscious human being!” We can only resist those cybernetic implants and wait for the day when the author will “implement a progressive curriculum in literature classes across the country.”
Slow news day in Ann Arbor?
posted by Nick on March 26th, 2005 at 6:21 pmHA HA HA - I was going to email you to be on the lookout for that article. Although I have to admit, interacting with a machine is often more fruitful than trying to interact with some of the tools in this town. At least the machine knows how to say, “Take the last item out of the bag and scan again” whereas most people I meet in Ann Arbor can hardly make gutteral noises (I’m talking about YOU, Saa). There’s worse things than becoming a cyborg, though. Any of you fellas GSI lately?
posted by Dr.Mandrake on March 26th, 2005 at 7:01 pmWhoa.
Actually, even if I use the self-checkout, I have to interact with a human-employee when I ring up my Meijer-priced liquor and they want the ID.
Funny story about that - all Meijer employees are required (I think) to know the self checkout, English and Spanish versions. My friend who’s worked at a suburban one for years ran through the Spanish version when we were picking up some film, started to leave… and even though the first screen asks you if want English or Espanol, the lady behind us began to flip out because she didn’t know Spanish and what kind of country is this now?
That said, I wonder if the student would mind if I stole the IMF rally simile. It really is too good to pass up.
posted by Jen on March 26th, 2005 at 8:31 pmThen there are the true morons in Ann Arbor like me who can’t even spell the word guttural. I suck.
Jen - years ago when I took my computerized drivers test the thing suddenly went into Korean mode. I asked the officer if he could help and he apologized but he couldn’t change it, and because it was computerized I would have to come in another day to retake the test. You can be sure I was all for multiculturalism THAT day.
posted by Dr.Mandrake on March 26th, 2005 at 9:13 pmA growing proportion of the spam email that floods my inbox is in Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or Arabic. At least that makes it relatively simple to filter and delete.
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on March 27th, 2005 at 6:17 amIs Current going to do a separate Guide issue, or is the April issue with “Best of Washtenaw County” it?
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on March 27th, 2005 at 6:18 amFirst off, I teach at EMU and I wish this person was right about even the extensive presence of so-called “technology classes” at the institution. I feel like we’re about 20 years behind most places, despite a pretty high tech fee.
Second, I LOVE the automated check-out systems at grocery stores and such. Frankly, I don’t think this technology has replaced that many cashiers, and most of the cashiers at grocery stores in the area seem pretty surly to me.
Anyway, I’m just waiting for the technology where I can just wheel my cart through a metal detector-like device that will scan and total up everything automatically. I might have to wait a while, though.
posted by Steven D. Krause on March 27th, 2005 at 8:25 amPoor EMU. They were sadly never up to date for their technology classes.
I always liked automatic checkouts–we don’t have them where I live now. Sometimes they’re much better to deal with than people. Sometimes not.
As for the cyborg thing … well, this sort of info and research has been around for a while.
I’m anxiously awaiting that progressinve curriculum in literature classes across the country. How about around the world?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to hook up my chip implant into the tv to receive some new instructions ….
Happy Easter btw
posted by nannette on March 27th, 2005 at 10:34 amWhile I was working at the People’s Food Co-op, we changed the membership numbers from four digit to ten digit, and gave people bar code cards that could be scanned by the cashier to input their number.
posted by js on March 27th, 2005 at 11:14 amWe got a lot of complaints, though it seemed weird to me to complain about something like that. I had one guy, in his late 50s, come through the line and start grumbling about how this was all some sort of plot to surveil his actions and whatnot, so I told him that the bar codes were only a temporary measure— until we could get the membership’s chips implanted in their hands.
He looked aghast and I just grinned.
(And no, EMU’s been using the tech fees to sign up for bullshit like WebCT and Blackboard, and to do the my.emich.edu set-up, all three of which are shittily designed, error-prone debacles instituted by people with the ability to program but not to come up with user interfaces that are at all cogent).
We had Blackboard in my high school. Horrible thing, I must say. I think we had an early version, but still, just riddled with errors and bad formatting choices. Eventually the physics teacher gave up and just made his own version.
Glad to know things haven’t changed. You kids don’t use SmartBoard, do you? I haven’t seen one around in ages, and that was actually highly amusing, if still rather impratical and pointless.
posted by Jen on March 27th, 2005 at 7:57 pmOkay, as painfully earnest (for all of us) the article is, I have to cop to something–whenever I have the energy to make it out to Meijer, I usually go through the human checkout counter, even when I have the opportunity to do otherwise. However, I don’t think this is due so much to my innate humanity as it is due to hidebound conservatism.
I should really send something in to “Other Words.”
posted by Lazaro on March 28th, 2005 at 5:47 pmLaz- I can’t stand the U-Scans, they drive me nuts. Maybe it’s my inner luddite, but I don’t like the buggy bastards, and I don’t like that nearly everyone who uses one is slower than if they’d been run through the check out.
posted by js on March 30th, 2005 at 5:28 pmAh well, at least they make it easier to shoplift.