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LoFTy Ambitions

What makes the new lofts at LoFT 322 so darn hip (via Suds and Soliloquies)? Is it the lower case “o”? No, it’s the 26 adjectives that describe the building and the randomly placed semicolons that separate them: “Progressive, contemporary, comfortable, affordable, innovative, edgy, smart and unique; functional, purposeful, practical, daring, decisive and distinct; new, clean, open, sleek, high-quality, high-tech and high-touch; simple, different, luxurious, original and imaginative — that’s hip!” (It would be 27, but they appear to be using “hip” as a noun.) And more than that, it’s you. “[I]t’s your creative stroke and inspired taste that makes hip truly hip.” Emphasis theirs. “At LoFT 322, your home is your canvas and your masterpiece is imminent.”

But they sell themselves short; it’s the creativity of their advertising team that’s given us the most inspired cropping of an Ann Arbor photo ever: the right side of Zingerman’s sign behind a prominent ad for the U of M Museum of Art. It’s almost enough to make us want to walk over to Kingsley and Detroit, cup our hands near our eyes and enjoy the three-square-foot field of vision with the highest density of Urban Hip in all of A2.

76 Responses to “LoFTy Ambitions”

It makes me want to vomit - buying a loft in Ann Arbor? That’s like buying a timeshare in hell. I love their pushing of urban hipness. Yeah, buy a loft and you’ll be walking your dog and kissing some girl…whatever. In this shitty town? You’re lucky to meet a person worth talking to, let alone walking your dog with, let alone, god forbid, kissing. Ann Abor blows. Buy that condo and you’ll be watching reruns of Law and Order for the next 2 years, regretting that you didn’t just keep on rolling on 94 and end up in Detroit. Or keep on going and end up in NYC. God, I hate this town.
posted by DrMandrake on February 22nd, 2005 at 2:35 am e
This is the part that skeeves me the most: “Now imagine this: Neighbors with an equal passion for the pursuit of the best…” Didn’t anybody tell them that the ’80s are over?

Mandrake, I think your record’s skipping.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 22nd, 2005 at 7:37 am e
You’re losing your touch–how could you have possibly passed over, “a melting pot of metropolitan pioneers,” without comment?

I’ve recently heard Ann Arbor described as “a loft town”, not to say anything about the qualities of the town, but about the qualities of the market. Basically, if it gets built, and it’s possibly describable as a loft, it’ll sell.
posted by Murph on February 22nd, 2005 at 8:44 am e
It would be worth living there just to put up a right wing poster or placard in your window.
posted by Wilk on February 22nd, 2005 at 9:24 am e
The whole idea of a “luxury loft” is silly, but to build a new one is absurd. Lofts is lofts. New ones ain’t.
posted by Michael McC. on February 22nd, 2005 at 9:43 am e
I, too, enjoyed the Urban Hip photo montage. It was so overdone it took me a few seconds to realize it was Ann Arbor. Kudos to THAT marketing team!
posted by Dave on February 22nd, 2005 at 10:27 am e
You know your town is unhip when some middle-aged boomer writes copy that a) calls it “hip”, and b) needs 26 adjectives to try to persuade people of the veracity of the claim. In NYC, the hipness of a neighborhood is officially over when you start seeing “lofts” advertised. In Ann Arbor, it means the neighborhood isn’t hip and never was.
posted by Anna on February 22nd, 2005 at 10:36 am e
Hey now, the soon-to-be “Liberty Lofts” (although they’re really more on First St.) are only a few blocks from me, and my neighborhood is so hip it could check Sergei Federov into the boards and put him out for a week.

Actually, when I noticed a sign on the old Eaton building that said something about retail, I got all excited thinking something useful like a convenience store might be coming. Then I saw that damn web site. Nope, just more yuppies with too much money. Swell.
posted by Dave on February 22nd, 2005 at 10:50 am e
Dave, this is Ann Arbor. Can you possibly be surprised by “more yuppies with too much money”?

I haven’t heard what the ground-floor retail in the Eaton renovation will be, though I know that they’re looking at a grocery (probably in the style of Kerrytown) in the low factory extension to the north of the main Eaton building. Not an unwelcome addition.
posted by Murph on February 22nd, 2005 at 10:59 am e
Oh, and check out http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21370
posted by Murph on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:02 am e
The addition of a grocery store in the Eaton “lofts” was reported in the Old West Side News a couple months back. However, I won’t vouch for the credibility of the OWS News.
posted by Eric on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:13 am e
Murph, good point. And the building in that rendering looks way too huge to fit in that lot on E. Liberty. Are they knocking something else down for this?
posted by Dave on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:13 am e
I’ve spoken with a few developers, and I’ve been told that the idea of a small grocery store has been kicked around for the lower floor of Eaton.

…obviously this isn’t the most concrete of information, but there you go.
posted by todd on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:15 am e
From the looks of the artist’s rendering, residents of LoFT 322 will be required to drive an Audi.
posted by Eric on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:19 am e
Mandrake — I’m shocked no ladies have snapped you up. God, who wouldn’t want to have a conversation with someone who clearly is out-of-this-world smart and knows how to have a good time like you?
posted by Dale on February 22nd, 2005 at 11:49 am e
First, seriously, do you think I am this negative and bitter person in real life?

Second, I am a broken record about the social life in this town because I believe that most of the people I have met in Ann Arbor suffer from some form of psychopathology or functional retardation. Either they are crazy and dumb enough to choose to live here, or the town makes them crazy and dumb once they arrive. I believe this is what happened to me. Plus I believe Ann Arbor is cliquish beyond belief.

Third, I think any ad promoting a false sense of this town being a friendly loving trendy hip cool place should be shot down.
posted by DrMandrake on February 22nd, 2005 at 1:25 pm e
do you think I am this negative and bitter person in real life?

I get that a lot too…can’t imagine why.

how could you have possibly passed over, “a melting pot of metropolitan pioneers,” without comment?

I think I was just kind of stupefied at that point.
posted by ann arbor is overrated on February 22nd, 2005 at 1:32 pm e
must be something in the chicago water supply…
posted by OFW insurgent on February 22nd, 2005 at 2:17 pm e
I wonder if these were the folks that took my picture at Cafe Verde while I was interviewing someone. The photog said it was for condos going up in the neighborhood, and I couldn’t very well tell ‘em to fuck off while I was tape recording with the guy who had taken time out from his lunch to talk to me. I just let ‘em flutter away.
Of course, I can’t imagine being a selling point for anyone to move to this town…
posted by js on February 22nd, 2005 at 2:40 pm e
“By the end of the Nineteenth century, the city was dubbed the ‘Athens on the Huron,’ renowned as a cultural and educational mecca - a distinction it still holds today.” — Heehee! Talk about overrated!
posted by meg on February 22nd, 2005 at 4:13 pm e
Doc Mandrake, speaking as someone who seems to share many of the same problems, don’t let the bastards grind you down–unless they already have, in which case I’m sorry. Seriously, though, if I’d been drinking milk during your first post, I totally would have snarfed it. Fantastic.

Keep hope alive, I guess.
posted by Lazaro on February 22nd, 2005 at 4:26 pm e
I encouraged density and Cool Cities and all I got were these lousy yupscale lofts.

Yech.
posted by Brandon on February 22nd, 2005 at 4:32 pm e
AAiO: they’re not knocking anything else down to build it–the VFW hall that Seva is in is historical, I believe, and can’t be knocked down (ever), and Michigan Square, or whatever that monstrosity between this and Liberty Plaza is called, is too new and too owned-by-Bill-Martin to be knocked down yet.

As far as the Eaton grocery goes, I think it’s as close to a sure thing as retail space opening a year from now can be. I’ve heard some pretty concrete plans for the grocery while standing inside of the Eaton Building, so I assume they came from a good source. I think the only stumbling block will be if they decide that space isn’t actually rehabable, and just tear it down. This would be separate from the retail in the ground floor of the Eaton Building itself, which can be assumed to be more of your general yupscale shoppes.
posted by Murph on February 22nd, 2005 at 5:19 pm e
re: Mandrake. Anyone who looks that jolly playing the carillon and gobbling pop rocks can’t possibly be too bitter and negative in real life.
posted by milaya on February 22nd, 2005 at 5:41 pm e
Shit. I guess I’m not so anonymous, after all. And you’re right. Most of my acerbic, vituperative, caustic commentary doesn’t represent the real me, but when the subject of Ann Arbor comes up - I can be a real asshole.
posted by DrMandrake on February 22nd, 2005 at 6:18 pm e
you use your real email address, for god’s sake. of course you’re not anonymous.
posted by milaya on February 22nd, 2005 at 6:41 pm e
nice string of adjectives, though- are you sure you’re not writing copy for loft 322 on the side?
posted by milaya on February 22nd, 2005 at 6:45 pm e
Chicago has “Real” Lofts, but then it also has the same prefab crap like Loft 322. I suppose that is the irony, isn’t? Ann Arbor is no longer “real”, but a delicate construct of it’s former glory that has had forcible extreme makeover to suit the standards of conservative (former liberals) powerbrokers drinking there light foam lattes and walking there pure breed doggies up and down Freiheit strasse (now known as Liberty Avenue).

Change is inevitable, Ann Arbor simply mirrors that outside world in grain of sand.
posted by Admin on February 22nd, 2005 at 7:01 pm e
Don’t be a obtuse, sanctimonious, dim-witted, brainless, dull; slow, dense, thick, dim, unintelligent, nimwitted; foolish, silly, daft, ill-advised, dodoish, imprudent; injudicious, erroneous, nincompoop, airheaded, brainless, flatulent person.
posted by DrMandrake on February 22nd, 2005 at 7:02 pm e
//t’s almost enough to make us want to walk over to Kingsley and Detroit, cup our hands near our eyes and enjoy the three-square-foot field of vision with the highest density of Urban Hip in all of A2.//

*dies laughing*

*is resurrected, encounters the word ‘hip’*

*dies laughing again*
posted by art student on February 22nd, 2005 at 7:11 pm e
I believe that most of the people I have met in Ann Arbor suffer from some form of psychopathology or functional retardation

You’re right–people who try to be nice to you clearly must be retarded. Or do I fall in the psychopathological camp?
posted by Alex(andra) on February 22nd, 2005 at 8:23 pm e
Do I detect a snide comment?

Although I do believe people who have tattoos have higher odds ratios of having psychopathology than their non-tattooed counterparts, I do believe you are an exception to my gross generalization. In fact, I appreciate you being nice to me, and I apologize for being too busy and sick to go out much these days. I have horrible allergies in Ann Arbor, which are only heightened when I go out in the town.
posted by DrMandrake on February 22nd, 2005 at 9:01 pm e
poor, delicate flower
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 12:58 am e
“It’s almost enough to make us want to walk over to Kingsley and Detroit, cup our hands near our eyes and enjoy the three-square-foot field of vision with the highest density of Urban Hip in all of A2.”

Brilliant. Although you’re being too harsh. That one picture adequately describes both Ann Arbor as a whole and the University of Michigan in one fell swoop. It’s creative vision and sociological imagination and too monumental an advertising decsision for us to comprehend, let alone appreciate.

At any rate, isn’t “prefab loft” an oxymoron?
posted by Jen on February 23rd, 2005 at 2:36 am e
Haven’t you noticed that all of my comments are snide? It’s the only register I’m comfortable in.

Somebody else wrote:
Ann Arbor is no longer “real”, but a delicate construct of it’s former glory that has had forcible extreme makeover to suit the standards of conservative (former liberals) powerbrokers.

It’s not even that AA is desperately trying to regain its lost, glorious past. This town is a simulacrum from top to bottom because the “glory” that everyone is trying so desperately to recapture never actually existed. AA never *was* real.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 23rd, 2005 at 7:58 am e
You think you’re snide about Ann Arbor, you should see the flames on livoniaisoverrated.com
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 9:12 am e
they’re tearing down an vintage 70s Big Boy for a trendy new In-n-Out Burger drive-thru. Fuckers. the town is going to be ruined.
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 9:18 am e
oh my god, In-n-Out burger is coming?!?!?!?!?!?!?! It’s a freaking MIRACLE! I might never complain about living here again.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 23rd, 2005 at 9:50 am e
Livonia is rated at all!? WTF? I didn’t know anyone even cared it existed, yet alone believe it is overrated.
posted by DrMandrake on February 23rd, 2005 at 10:02 am e
Mandrake, you are losing your edge dude.
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 10:27 am e
Don’t make me have to walk over to the Old 4th ward and whip out my can of whoop ass, insurgent.
posted by DrMandrake on February 23rd, 2005 at 11:31 am e
Don’t make me have to walk over to the Old 4th ward and whip out my can of whoop ass, insurgent.
posted by DrMandrake on February 23rd, 2005 at 11:34 am e
Wear your hippest outfit. I’ll meet you in front of Zingerman’s and we’ll pose for the crowd.
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 12:16 pm e
Better yet, I think I’ll sponsor an historic street marker on my corner in your name. BWA-HA-HA.
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 12:24 pm e
HA HA HA - I’d love that. Any time, Insurgent, anytime…
posted by Mandrake on February 23rd, 2005 at 12:59 pm e
In-n-Out Burger is overrated.
posted by James on February 23rd, 2005 at 3:38 pm e
What is In and Out Burger? Is it one of those Yummy places that was on that blog from a couple months ago?
posted by Kozzie on February 23rd, 2005 at 4:30 pm e
In-n-Out = low quality/greasy/fastfood emporium on a busy street. (See McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, etc.)

By the way, the post above was a friggin’ joke folks. I have no idea what is going in Livonia. I just had the misfortune to have to drive there for work before DAWN, five days a week for two years when I was a schoolteacher. Thankfully, that episode in my life if over, due more to the surroundings than the job itself (sort of).
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 4:49 pm e
You are wrong. In-n-Out burger is nothing like Wendy’s, MacDonald’s, or Burger King. They are not a franchise and they don’t precook and ship their product. Not to mention they are not low quality.

I don’t eat fast food, but I eat In-n-Out burger. Alas, this is a hoax.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 23rd, 2005 at 5:40 pm e
“Thankfully, that episode in my life if over, due more to the surroundings than the job itself …”

What? You moved into a loft?
posted by Dave on February 23rd, 2005 at 5:42 pm e
Sorry Alexandra, I was fooled by the name of the joint. I pulled that one out of my ass. I thought the “quality” fastfood place was SonicBurger, but I guess I was mistaken. Touche. Thanks for the correction.

Not only do I live in a loft, Dave, but I only have meals prepared by albino dwarves who shop exclusively at Kerrytown…and In-n-Out Burger from now on, damnit!
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 5:54 pm e
..and of course HONEY BAKED HAM!
posted by OFW insurgent on February 23rd, 2005 at 6:16 pm e
Yeah, having In-N-Out in Ann Arbor would be way way too good to be true. I don’t think it’s legal to sell a burger in AA for less than $6, for one thing, and no one in Michigan would know about ordering animal-style anyway.
posted by Nick on February 24th, 2005 at 11:15 am e
Generally speaking, if Ann Arbor had more In-N-Out, there would be many fewer comments on this website.
posted by Anna on February 24th, 2005 at 12:13 pm e
amen sister
posted by OFW insurgent on February 24th, 2005 at 1:23 pm e
Sounds like it is mostly in CA and they use fresh meat, potatoes, lettuce, etc. Sounds good too…:(

Although, Blimpy will do for me…
posted by Kozzie on February 24th, 2005 at 1:49 pm e
“Generally speaking, if Ann Arbor had more In-N-Out, there would be many fewer comments on this website.”

If bloggers got more in-and-out, this website wouldn’t exist.
posted by Anonymous on February 24th, 2005 at 4:07 pm e
Nudge, nudge.
Anybody goin’ to the Gore Gore Girls tonight? Should be good.
posted by js on February 24th, 2005 at 5:04 pm e
Yeah, I was planning on it. Buy you a beer if I can figure out who you are.
posted by Dave on February 24th, 2005 at 5:12 pm e
DrMandrake is overrated. He’s really that egotistical in person, folks. If he were able to recognize when he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, I’d be posting under my real name.
posted by anonymous on February 24th, 2005 at 7:53 pm e
Alex(andra), ‘fess up!
posted by milaya on February 24th, 2005 at 10:23 pm e
You’ll have to report back, JS. I’ve heard mixed reviews. I’d be there but I’m recovering from two weeks of school-hell and need to pack for break in Portland.
posted by Brandon on February 25th, 2005 at 12:18 am e
Dear Anonymous - Hey, man, thanks, but fuck you. What a fucking hypocrite - if you’re going to call someone out, at least stand up to it, you anonymous pussy. Overrated in person? Do I know you? Have I kicked your ass yet in person?

And what is it that I don’t know what I’m talking about, you worthless shitbag? If you’re going to be a stupid asshole, at least let the world know which stupid asshole you are so we can all avoid you and mock you for being the worthless imbicile you obviously are.
posted by DrMandrake on February 25th, 2005 at 12:31 am e
Didja make it, Dave? I was there.
The show was good. The Riots were better than when I saw them last, by a damn sight. The Muggs were ok, in a Black Crowes/Blues Hammer sorta way. The Gore Gore Girls were excellent, but I had to ditch out early to study for a midterm (that I believe I have now bombed, purely by not being able to remember any of the damn Greek names for bullshit political intrigue in the court of Philip).
posted by js on February 25th, 2005 at 12:58 pm e
Yep, I made it. I liked all three bands, but I’m always gonna give the edge to a group of women in short skirts and go-go boots. I was front and center for the GGG set. They rocked.
posted by Dave on February 25th, 2005 at 1:47 pm e
P.S. The offer of a beer stands; perhaps next time?
posted by Dave on February 25th, 2005 at 1:47 pm e
This comment chain seems to reflect well-adjusted people who are funny and hip and ironic and self-referential rather than critical and alienated and bitter. Is this the moment when AAIO becomes what it once mocked, absorbed into the treetown boosterism?
posted by Matt on February 25th, 2005 at 2:43 pm e
Matt–only if you keep saying that, I’m guessing!!

I kinda wished I’d gone to the GGG show, having never heard them before. I’ve heard the Riots twice now, though, and to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t that thrilled. It’s like they’re playing all the songs on the Creation or Pretty Things compilation CDs I zip past to get to the stuff I like. They play well (esp. the drummer), but I just can’t get down with ‘em. Oh well… perhaps another time for the Gore Gores.

Does anyone know if the Versificators are any good? I might go to that one (and definitely intend to see the Great Lakes Myth Society).
posted by Lazaro on February 25th, 2005 at 6:10 pm e
Lazaro, have you seen The Avatars? You might like them… probably the best “retro” rock band in town (though I like The Riots a lot, too, and don’t quite count Saturday Looks Good to Me in the same category, despite the heavy 60s pop influence). Great Lakes Myth Society are also great, especially if you catch them on the right night… they have a record-release party at the Blind Pig on March 10, FYI.

On the subject of quasi-well-adjusted music, has anyone lived in Portland? I’m looking for local band/venue/record store/bar recommendations… and heck, vintage/thrift store recommendations. I’ll be there all next week.
posted by Brandon on February 25th, 2005 at 7:19 pm e
The Versificators are good at putting cryptic graffiti all over downtown.
posted by Dave on February 26th, 2005 at 3:06 am e
Versificators put on a damn fine show if you like the Dead Kennedys. They’re not original or anything, but they’re fun as hell. And anyone who can get a whole crowd chanting “Let’s go fuck some nuns!” can’t be all bad.
The Avatars pwn the Riots. I liked the Riots a lot more than the last time I saw them, but it was still kinda like listening to a Nuggets comp straight through. I bought their album, and again, it’s fantastic for mixtape fodder, but not all that great to listen to all the way.
SLGTM have let me down with this last album, which I thought was really disappointing. That and their live shows have been kinda blah. Fred’s still a nice guy, but man, it’s like they had something great and tried to change just for change’s sake.
The Great Lakes Myth Society guys are really good. I like Monger’s solo stuff more, but that may just be because I think his Summer Cherry Ghosts thing was insanely good, and the GLMS stuff is just pretty decent. They’re still good to see live, and they’re having more fun than the last couple of times I saw them under the TOBOSOL moniker…
(Dave- You can buy me a beer any time, sailor.)
Anybody goin’ out tonight? Grindcore at the Pig and Hescher rock at the Elbow… I dunno what else is on… Maybe Bad Idea?
posted by js on February 26th, 2005 at 1:22 pm e
I LOVE the Avatars, and not just because Mariah Cherem’s probably the cutest lead singer I currently know of in a US band. They always put on a great show.

I like Saturday Looks Good To Me, although you may be right about that album, as I gave “All Their Summer Songs” a listen and suddenly decided not to sell it, as I belatedly realized I wasn’t listening in the right way.

Still, I think I’m gonna skip the Versificators show… it’s gonna be way too cold tonight…

And Brandon, I’d recommend the Decemberists, but have already noticed a “Castaways and Cutouts” writeup on your blog, so I won’t bother. Aren’t Pretty Girls Make Graves from Portland?
posted by Lazaro on February 26th, 2005 at 1:36 pm e
Hi, Brandon –

If you’ve been in Ann Arbor since the early 80’s, at one time lived in EQ, lived in Detroit near U of D HS, had/have a moustache and a sister, and have the letters ‘C’ and ‘S’ in your last name, you might actually know a bunch of people in Portland. (and you might anyway, even if you’re another Brandon)
posted by Anonymous on February 26th, 2005 at 3:43 pm e
I agree that All Your Summer… is a great album, but I think Last Night or whateverthefuck is a giant disappointment.
And I think I’m staying in, as I’m working on a mix disc for some folks…
posted by js on February 26th, 2005 at 8:12 pm e
Nope, wrong Brandon.

All Your Summer Songs is indeed better, but I still like Every Night a lot and hardly find it a giant disappointment, though the vinyl is better than the CD and the songs are better yet live.
posted by Brandon on March 3rd, 2005 at 12:59 am e
We’ll agree to disagree then. Hey, I just made a mix and have extra copies. Want one?
posted by js on March 3rd, 2005 at 10:03 am e