Take That, Blogosphere!
In what’s probably the first instance of the Daily calling a blog prognosticator out on a failed prediction, Jeremy Berkowitz writes about FCB House of Flavors, still around a year and a half after “Rob Goodspeed, a University alum[,] predicted its quick demise on his blog.”
I’m still surprised that place is kickin’, too! Who goes in there?!
posted by Scott T. on February 17th, 2005 at 3:44 pmSlow news day in Ann Arbor, huh? No surprise there. I almost fell asleep reading that review - man goes to store, tries slurpee, nothing happens. Just think how many trees were wasted to print that. The writer should talk to Mr. Jayson Blair about spicing up his stories a bit.
posted by DrMandrake on February 17th, 2005 at 4:12 pmLike, he could pretend to be on the scene at FCB House of Flavors while actually being in New York?
posted by ann arbor is overrated on February 17th, 2005 at 4:21 pmMaybe it’s a mob front or something. Anyone else find it sinister that “Paul” the owner wouldn’t give his last name?
posted by Dave on February 17th, 2005 at 4:23 pmExactly. It wouldn’t be hard to fake that one, either - although since no one goes there, he would have to have a double stand in for him, or at least use pictures that show someone actually was in that store on that day.
Which brings me to a more significant point I have never understood about Tree Town. A slurpee place? American Spoon, Stucchi’s, Ben & Jerry’s - what is with the ice cream fetish? It’s friggin cold outside, almost all the time! Who buys a slurpee in February?
posted by DrMandrake on February 17th, 2005 at 4:26 pmHow does a slurpee place in the middle of Michigan that charges no more than $2/drink and has no seating or bathroom afford Arcade rent? I don’t get it.
posted by Anna on February 17th, 2005 at 5:08 pmI’m telling you. Paul’s last name is Gambini. He’ll make you a slurpee you can’t refuse.
posted by Dave on February 17th, 2005 at 5:15 pmHm, a slurpee I can’t refuse… So it’s a drug front, not a mob front! I get it now. I’d take a guess it is not making much money, but if you’re determined to stay in business and have 4 owners with other jobs, that doesn’t have to be too much of a deterrent…
posted by Lisa on February 17th, 2005 at 5:59 pmMore info please - Us NY types who read this blog for fond rememberance of things past, don’t know what the heck “FCB” is — some kind of Lovin’ Spoonful of health-shakes? (Or does that date me too much?)
posted by Richard on February 17th, 2005 at 6:07 pmFunny, I actually overheard some people at Ambrosia talking about the possibility of it being a mob or drug front a few weeks ago… I truly rarely see anyone in there when I walk by, and at most 1 person or group at a time. Can the rents really be that cheap?
posted by Brandon on February 17th, 2005 at 6:42 pmit is a mob front, but you didn’t hear that from me.
posted by Bez on February 17th, 2005 at 7:49 pmOh, come on, a mob? In Ann Arbor? You can’t even get put up a window in Ann Arbor without going though the crusty old cronies on the historical district comission - and you’re telling me there is a mob? What do they peddle? Illegal plagerized internet papers? Black market test tubes? Crushed ritalin?
posted by DrMandrake on February 17th, 2005 at 8:04 pmBy the way, my apologies for my poor grammar and spelling - years of MS Word have made a sixth grader out of me.
posted by DrMandrake on February 17th, 2005 at 10:08 pmIn case anyone is interested - here’s my October 2003 prediction (or here) I maintain my prediction would have been correct if it had been run as a business, but 4 guys who also work full time can apparently sustain a boring if slightly costly hobby.
posted by Rob "Blast from the Past" Goodspeed on February 17th, 2005 at 11:06 pmThis post also mentions FCB and has some great vintage comments for the Ann Arbor blog connoisseur.
posted by Rob on February 17th, 2005 at 11:11 pmSpeaking of mobs, I have it on fairly good authority that the Bagel Factory was shut down because one of the employees was dealing coke out of there.
posted by Ben on February 18th, 2005 at 8:11 amPizza Bobs should be shut down for dealing in e-coli.
posted by yd on February 18th, 2005 at 1:19 pmI think that there have always been businesses in A2 that weren’t making it on their own *at all*. Trust fund babies, professor’s wives, fronts for drug ops (several of those, this WAS the “dope capital of the Midwest”, once upon a time), and just general overfed self-indulgence. It’s hard to believe anyone’s making a living off of Acme Mercantile, for instance.
posted by Michael McC. on February 18th, 2005 at 1:24 pmAcme mercantile - now THERE’S a useless business.
I remember when they opened they advertised as a sort of general store carrying stuff that you couldn’t usually buy downtown, like toothbrushes and toilet paper and stuff. Right.
My parents came to visit, and dad forgot his deoderant. Since we were downtown doing the tourist thing, we stopped in there. In the back of the store, way behind the racks of hemp clothing and hand painted watercolor greeting cards, we found two sad little travel sized deoderants.
The parents ended up driving out to Rite-Aid.
posted by Lehigh Valley Refugee on February 18th, 2005 at 2:14 pmI think the only place you can buy anything useful (other than beer) downtown is at the gas station at Main and William. It sort of reminds me of “The Lucky Dragon” chain in the Gibson novels.
posted by Michael McC. on February 18th, 2005 at 3:34 pmWhat about White Market??? Plenty of useful stuff available there.
—
Hey, if the Historic District Commission keeps the Mafia out of Ann Arbor, they are much more than earning their pay.
—
In Ithaca NY, a place a lot like Ann Arbor, they tell a story about the day some Mafia goon in a pinstriped suit got off the train. His first stop was at the Ithaca Dry Cleaners. He asked for the owner. The owner emerged, and the visitor said: “Orders from the Boss. The payoff is double this month.”
“What are you talking about?” said the owner.
“The payoff is double this month,” he repeated.
“What payoff?” said the owner.
“Isn’t this the Utica Dry Cleaners?”
“No, no, this is ITH-a-ca, not YOO-ta-ca. You’re in the wrong town!”
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on February 18th, 2005 at 4:51 pmProfessors’ wives? God, what university pays professors enough for them to have $50/square foot retail space as a spouses’ hobby?
posted by Anna on February 18th, 2005 at 5:46 pmMy roommate was really excited when he found a sugar container with a blue metal top at ACME. Other than that, though…
posted by ann arbor is overrated on February 18th, 2005 at 5:58 pmAs I recall, the Nickels Arcade has booted tenants for having sales revenue less than a specified multiplier of the rent per month. But I don’t know if they still have that policy.
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on February 18th, 2005 at 6:26 pmACME does have some bitchin’ martiki glasses though.
posted by Dave on February 18th, 2005 at 7:13 pmI’m not surprised about the Professor wives thing. Ann Arbor is full of strange stores that I can only explain by virtue of them being backed by some donor. These include:
Rock store on main: Who buys rocks?
posted by DrMandrake on February 18th, 2005 at 7:16 pm300 Michigan clothes stories selling I Ann Arbor shirts: Who wants to advertise they live in Ann Arbor and love it?
Barclay’s: Who buys prints for $700 you can get on the internet for $100?
Chess store: what?
Safe sex store: people have sex in Ann Arbor? Or is it really just me who goes home alone every date?
Massage stop and go on Huron: What I always need: a drive through massage.
Have you tried going on a date with the girl from the Sex and the Diag blog?
posted by Anonymous on February 18th, 2005 at 9:44 pmI’m not THAT desperate.
posted by DrMandrake on February 18th, 2005 at 10:05 pmHey yall, I just wanna clue you cool cats in on the new construction!!!!!!!!!!!
Construction is moving along smoothly. Three new pictures are posted of the facility — for the Michiganders in the know!!!!!!! hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahaha
The fourth floor chamber walls are 90% complete. In addition, inside the building the duct work is mostly hung. Plumbing is underway and electrical work has provided basic electricity inside the building.
Okay stay kewl all yall intellectuals!
posted by Sassy Michigan Freak on February 19th, 2005 at 4:13 amIt’s just you.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 19th, 2005 at 8:11 amI want to add another place to the list of useless Ann Arbor haunts. Improv Inferno. I went last night. In case you hide under a rock, this is a new improv comedy club on Main, in between a set of useless stores selling junk no one wants to buy.
Improv Inferno sells its own brand of useless junk - Totally Humorless Improv. Seriously, Carrot Top and Pauly Shore are funnier than any of the idiots in this show. And that’s being generous: a presentation at a proctology convention would be funnier than any of the skits they performed. Part of improv means engaging the audience, asking for suggestions, doing different kinds of improv. They only asked one audience member for a single theme then quickly dropped it, moving on to their own self-indulgent skits full of inside jokes. Not a single social commentary. Not a one. It was total garbage from a bunch of amateurs. What can I expect from Tree Town but for a bunch of washed up, talentless theater grads hacking away any shed of their decency on stage by acting like total incompetent morons?
Afterwards, some woman comes up to me and asks what I thought of the show. I said “I’d have to drink a lot more alcohol to find any of these assholes funny. I want the last hour of my life back.” Then I realized she was part of the show - I think - because she walked away pretty pissed. Whatever. If she takes herself that seriously, fuck her.
Avoid Improv Inferno. Expect the place to close any day - no one will miss it.
posted by DrMandrake on February 19th, 2005 at 8:34 amYou’re right, Alexandra - 99% of the time it is just me, but usually it is just me thinking I’d rather knock myself unconscious with a crow bar than go home with this ridiculous Ann Arbor girl.
I’ll shut up for a while now.
posted by DrMandrake on February 19th, 2005 at 9:17 amI read that Daily article, and promptly remembered why I don’t read the Daily anymore. Eh, but it’s still good for killing time and burning, I guess.
I’m wondering how that place -and- the popcorn place in Nickels stay open. I mean, at least the popcorn place overcharges so Ann Arborites think that they’re getting quality, but no one’s in there ever either.
PS - If my boring, banal, suburban hometown could have a mafia (albeit a really boring, banal mafia, although it did make the front page of the Free Press way back when) I’m sure Ann Arbor could pull one off. It’ll add to the small town / big city feeling… sure, we have a mafia. But they’ll serve you a frozen drink in February!
Christ, even 7-11 has hot chocolate to get by on the lean Slurpee months.
posted by Jen on February 19th, 2005 at 11:16 amDoc Mandrake–
Thanks for the note about the Improv Inferno. I’ve been thinking about going there since it opened, but was always a little leery. I mean, if they’re trying to market comedy to an Ann Arbor “target demo”, I’m not sure I want any part of it. After all, I already got burned by those “Basement Arts” clowns in the basement of the oft-mentioned Frieze building.
And that was FREE, too!!
I finally checked out the Dreamland Theater in Ypsi, last night, though. Marionette shows can always count on me in attendance. Self-congratulatory liberal ambience, but I suppose you can’t really escape that kind of thing.
posted by Lazaro on February 19th, 2005 at 4:41 pmI’m still waiting for “Puppetry of the Penis” to hit Ann Arbor…it’s been in NYC for a couple of years now. Now THAT would be a marionette-themed event worth attending.
posted by OFWinsurgent on February 19th, 2005 at 4:58 pmOuch!!!
posted by Dave on February 19th, 2005 at 8:30 pmMichigan is no stranger to penis puppets.
http://www.lansingcitypulse.com/030924/civlib/
posted by Joy on February 19th, 2005 at 9:54 pmspeaking of fronts, what about king of queens? whenever i walk by there are 2 customers max and some dude walking around scratching his beer belly
posted by Anonymous on February 20th, 2005 at 12:27 amI dunno, but that place is the worst diner on earth.
posted by Alex(andra) on February 20th, 2005 at 8:37 amWell, King of Queens is pretty desolate, and I HAVE eaten there, so…
Maybe I’ll give Improv Inferno a shot this weekend. Although, pace Dr. Mandrake, I can’t say I wasn’t warned! I’ll expect the worst in bullshit “inside-joke” “aren’t-we-hip-ironic-young-things” comedy, and will be very disappointed if I don’t get it (by that I mean “receive”, not “understand”).
posted by Lazaro on February 20th, 2005 at 4:01 pmTen fuckin’ dollars for the Improv Inferno? That was what turned me off. I’ve seen a lot of good improv, but never here in Ann Arbor. (One of the few areas in which I find Ann Arbor totally unredeemed. But, to be fair, I’ve seen a lot of shitty improv in bigger cities too…)
posted by js on February 20th, 2005 at 7:18 pmTaking shelter from the blizzard, I happened to stop by FCB House of Flavors this afternoon, with my six-year-old daughter. They sold us a couple of good homemade cookies for a quarter each (that’s probably not a regular line of business for them).
The sales person was very friendly and helpful, and even encouraged my daughter to mix drinks from different taps.
Slurpees are pretty disgusting, but the space this store occupies is pretty tiny. Maybe it’s a placeholder so that the Arcade doesn’t have visibly vacant storefronts.
posted by Larry Kestenbaum on February 20th, 2005 at 7:42 pmApparently the manager of King of Queens is a racist jackass. I was in Rendez-vous (about a year ago, I think) and a friend of mine came in and explained that she couldn’t leave because the police were looking for her.
She relayed a detailed story (and a convincing one, though I don’t remember enough of the details to make the retelling convincing) of how, despite being by far the most experienced waitress (others were hired for looks) she was assigned two empty tables in the smoking section for the perpetuity of her working there. Since tips were most of her salary, she wasn’t making enough to live on.
That day she’d asked if they could go to a rotating table system, instead. The manager looked at her and said “Why don’t you just fucking leave. Get out.” She did, and took the 80 dollars she’d collected so far that day with (heh). He called the police. (Anyway, she stayed at a friend’s house on Church for a few hours.)
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